Friday, 1 June 2007
The Phoenix Diaries
(The transcripts below comprise almost all of the lyrics featured in my seven-album cycle The Phoenix Diaries, birthed between autumn 2004 and summer 2006; those few I've omitted I deemed contaminant to the presiding themes of restoration, realization, and especially counter to the ruling architecture of a perspectival shift from an entrapment in damaging behavioural archetypes to a stance more fluid, positive, adaptable and presently alive. Fuck, what a sentence. The omitted lyrics were also, generally tiny, scrappy stanzas of little merit beyond their musical context.
I've posted them here chronologically, thus in order to gain an understanding of the development of the cycle, I'd recommend (time-permitting) reading from the oldest post through to the most recent, especially given certain phrases have thematic and formal precident.... but, whatever....)
I hope you'll glean some riches amongst the swathes of shingle and emotional jetsam I purged throughout this period. Producing the cycle certainly assisted my continued existence in immeasurable ways. If any readers would like to hear the lyrics in situe, please contact me on hudsonjnick@yahoo.co.uk and I'll happily mail you a disc featuring the whole cycle, and the subsequent trilogy of albums I recently completed.
Nick - June 2007
xoxox
Nocturne
What’s the appeal;
What’s the deal
With the boy next door?
Why do I see romance
In his shuffling arrogance?
I detect in his disinterest
A heart forlorn.
Another black hole
On parole.
Here’s the keys
To my soul.
Another vain brat
At the hub of a short-sighted universe.
Set me free from the urge
To purge myself of me.
Give me the strength to reject.
Give me the time to decline.
There’s plenty less spineless fish
In the sea you say.
But when will they come my way?
Heaven’s corrupt.
I’m not there.
Is it fair?
Am I wrong?
Companions will come.
In tandem you’ll take on the world
With incendiary verve.
And what’s more it won’t be long.
Alas, how’s a lack
Instigate an attack
On your heart?
An absence can scar.
Who do real wounds think they are
Compared to
A thing that’s not even there?
Give me nerve to discern.
Give me the night to decide
I always saw best in the dark, you say.
Will anyone light my way?
What’s the deal
With the boy next door?
Why do I see romance
In his shuffling arrogance?
I detect in his disinterest
A heart forlorn.
Another black hole
On parole.
Here’s the keys
To my soul.
Another vain brat
At the hub of a short-sighted universe.
Set me free from the urge
To purge myself of me.
Give me the strength to reject.
Give me the time to decline.
There’s plenty less spineless fish
In the sea you say.
But when will they come my way?
Heaven’s corrupt.
I’m not there.
Is it fair?
Am I wrong?
Companions will come.
In tandem you’ll take on the world
With incendiary verve.
And what’s more it won’t be long.
Alas, how’s a lack
Instigate an attack
On your heart?
An absence can scar.
Who do real wounds think they are
Compared to
A thing that’s not even there?
Give me nerve to discern.
Give me the night to decide
I always saw best in the dark, you say.
Will anyone light my way?
Summer Sigil (Bear's Invocation)
Out on the beach the sky is lead,
While driftwood sharks
Colonise the bed of sand.
Who’s the lone breakwater kid,
Who instead of ‘oughta’ did
Make demands…
…In the key of sated lust?
A tan, a grin and
An outstretched hand he said:
“These dunes will be our nest”
He brushed against my chest
And led…
…Me by hand to a cage of reeds.
“The dunes will shield us
From everyone but the sun.”
The clouds begin to moan
The kid has always known
The signs.
We undress, my body shakes,
While his caresses knead me
Back to rest.
In his arms I’m close to sleep.
When I’m calm I take him deep
And I’m blessed.
I think…
Will we ever meet again?
Is this love or is it just a game?
Grains of sand between wet skin
And meshed within my mouth
With sweat and hair.
The kid glides deeper still.
He creeps with practiced skill
And a flair…
…So refined that doubt begins
To seep throughout my mind,
He feels me tense.
A pause, a star, a fire,
Then bliss negates desire,
It’s immense.
I ask…
“Will we ever meet again?
Is this love or is this lust”,
I say, “I feel complete like this.
Is this love?” He answers with a kiss
While driftwood sharks
Colonise the bed of sand.
Who’s the lone breakwater kid,
Who instead of ‘oughta’ did
Make demands…
…In the key of sated lust?
A tan, a grin and
An outstretched hand he said:
“These dunes will be our nest”
He brushed against my chest
And led…
…Me by hand to a cage of reeds.
“The dunes will shield us
From everyone but the sun.”
The clouds begin to moan
The kid has always known
The signs.
We undress, my body shakes,
While his caresses knead me
Back to rest.
In his arms I’m close to sleep.
When I’m calm I take him deep
And I’m blessed.
I think…
Will we ever meet again?
Is this love or is it just a game?
Grains of sand between wet skin
And meshed within my mouth
With sweat and hair.
The kid glides deeper still.
He creeps with practiced skill
And a flair…
…So refined that doubt begins
To seep throughout my mind,
He feels me tense.
A pause, a star, a fire,
Then bliss negates desire,
It’s immense.
I ask…
“Will we ever meet again?
Is this love or is this lust”,
I say, “I feel complete like this.
Is this love?” He answers with a kiss
Little Death Fairmount
The lure of oblivion
Seduces me into
The rich duvet whirl
Like a schoolgirl possessed
By hormonal unrest.
The keratoid scars
And the bars you frequented
Paint maps and give vent to
The deaths I have spent
In invisible arms
While subject to your charms.
You bring joy to self-harm,
Twilight boys enter calm.
I roam Indiana by night
And at Fairmount I sight
Your spare grave in the earth
In the town of your birth
You went far.
Who’ll forget who you are?
I’m staring through Jonathan
Gilmore’s old eyes
At a memory I’ve stolen
To help realize
The scene I fantasize.
The ultimate prize.
Back at the motel, I’ve got
Soil from your grave rubbed
Across my milk skin
So I’m breathing you in.
The blood runes are scattered.
The full moon is shattered.
I drift between worlds
Wrapped in hot linen curls.
I invoke you to being;
I summon you forth.
Homunculus moonchild
The gods I’m adopting
Are testimony
To how desperately
I want you writ in flesh.
Won’t you please manifest?
I’d swallow you in me;
Insatiable, hungrily.
Hugging you to me;
Sledgehammer boy screw me.
Thread your fluid through me.
Suspend me, upend me.
Contort, wreck and bend me.
Bind me and grind me.
Go deeper you’ll find me.
I’m plundered to ruins.
Thunder strikes you in
Me; little death quaking.
I’m heaving, I’m shaking.
You break me with thrusts
Throes of absolute lust
Till my guts are so numb
I can’t tell when you’ve come.
I lurch, the vision’s through.
I scope the room for you.
Then I recall you were
Last seen alive
In that treacherous fall
In 1955.
So how come I ache
And I bleed when I wake
From the parts where I sensed
Once a force so immense?
James Byron Dean,
The perennial teen
Died at 24 years;
Found his fame in arrears
Seduces me into
The rich duvet whirl
Like a schoolgirl possessed
By hormonal unrest.
The keratoid scars
And the bars you frequented
Paint maps and give vent to
The deaths I have spent
In invisible arms
While subject to your charms.
You bring joy to self-harm,
Twilight boys enter calm.
I roam Indiana by night
And at Fairmount I sight
Your spare grave in the earth
In the town of your birth
You went far.
Who’ll forget who you are?
I’m staring through Jonathan
Gilmore’s old eyes
At a memory I’ve stolen
To help realize
The scene I fantasize.
The ultimate prize.
Back at the motel, I’ve got
Soil from your grave rubbed
Across my milk skin
So I’m breathing you in.
The blood runes are scattered.
The full moon is shattered.
I drift between worlds
Wrapped in hot linen curls.
I invoke you to being;
I summon you forth.
Homunculus moonchild
The gods I’m adopting
Are testimony
To how desperately
I want you writ in flesh.
Won’t you please manifest?
I’d swallow you in me;
Insatiable, hungrily.
Hugging you to me;
Sledgehammer boy screw me.
Thread your fluid through me.
Suspend me, upend me.
Contort, wreck and bend me.
Bind me and grind me.
Go deeper you’ll find me.
I’m plundered to ruins.
Thunder strikes you in
Me; little death quaking.
I’m heaving, I’m shaking.
You break me with thrusts
Throes of absolute lust
Till my guts are so numb
I can’t tell when you’ve come.
I lurch, the vision’s through.
I scope the room for you.
Then I recall you were
Last seen alive
In that treacherous fall
In 1955.
So how come I ache
And I bleed when I wake
From the parts where I sensed
Once a force so immense?
James Byron Dean,
The perennial teen
Died at 24 years;
Found his fame in arrears
Kill Your Oblivion
We’re yelling peace is boring.
Fluidity is key.
Stagnation is ignoring
The possibilities.
A brotherhood of spectres.
A raging fist of screams.
Our hearts gilded with nectar.
The mouthpiece of your dreams.
Toxic desperados.
Bayonets in their claws.
A call to arms, a credos.
A manifest of sores.
A dissenting howl from hollows
Until now deprived of voice.
The breed of hound that swallows
Filth to exercise a choice.
Where prison is a circus;
Where shame is but a mask.
Where modesty’s a party piece.
We never have to ask.
And permeating all is love
In every and no hue.
We’re taking crossbows to the dove
That made peace a class-ist coup.
When death is pure spectacle;
The moment we alight.
Where humour gives perspective
And hones our higher sight.
An army of the dispossessed
That actually don’t care.
We carved us free of lazy breasts
And laid our spirits bare.
Conviction under scrutiny
Will never yield flaws.
A passion-fired mutiny
Etched deep by teeth and claws.
Immobilise the misery
That pours from butchered souls.
Eliminate the histories
That compromise our goals.
Autonomy our only rest;
Our Eden from the churn.
The self, a thing to be caressed.
Complacency will burn.
In subways fester broken souls;
The suburbs, stillborn sour.
Wake up kids, life’s not parole.
Manifest your hour.
Kill your oblivion.
Shock yourself true.
Fluidity is key.
Stagnation is ignoring
The possibilities.
A brotherhood of spectres.
A raging fist of screams.
Our hearts gilded with nectar.
The mouthpiece of your dreams.
Toxic desperados.
Bayonets in their claws.
A call to arms, a credos.
A manifest of sores.
A dissenting howl from hollows
Until now deprived of voice.
The breed of hound that swallows
Filth to exercise a choice.
Where prison is a circus;
Where shame is but a mask.
Where modesty’s a party piece.
We never have to ask.
And permeating all is love
In every and no hue.
We’re taking crossbows to the dove
That made peace a class-ist coup.
When death is pure spectacle;
The moment we alight.
Where humour gives perspective
And hones our higher sight.
An army of the dispossessed
That actually don’t care.
We carved us free of lazy breasts
And laid our spirits bare.
Conviction under scrutiny
Will never yield flaws.
A passion-fired mutiny
Etched deep by teeth and claws.
Immobilise the misery
That pours from butchered souls.
Eliminate the histories
That compromise our goals.
Autonomy our only rest;
Our Eden from the churn.
The self, a thing to be caressed.
Complacency will burn.
In subways fester broken souls;
The suburbs, stillborn sour.
Wake up kids, life’s not parole.
Manifest your hour.
Kill your oblivion.
Shock yourself true.
The Same Calls
Why do the body and soul
Talk in different tongues?
I’d kill the body,
Release the heart,
But the heart is so of the body,
So long, isn’t, an option.
(Maybe they’re the same thing.)
Maybe the way to isolate that world
Is to take a blade
And erase the parts
That ache when you walk in the room.
Neuter desire by denial.
(Maybe they’re the same thing.)
Stripped raw of insulation,
I’m subject to the parade
Of your naïve diseases;
Your head’s iron charade.
I’m so tired
But never too tired to care.
When the light withers
My fixation trickles
With the gaze of the moon
And I hurt for and because of you.
Maybe they’re the same thing.
Talk in different tongues?
I’d kill the body,
Release the heart,
But the heart is so of the body,
So long, isn’t, an option.
(Maybe they’re the same thing.)
Maybe the way to isolate that world
Is to take a blade
And erase the parts
That ache when you walk in the room.
Neuter desire by denial.
(Maybe they’re the same thing.)
Stripped raw of insulation,
I’m subject to the parade
Of your naïve diseases;
Your head’s iron charade.
I’m so tired
But never too tired to care.
When the light withers
My fixation trickles
With the gaze of the moon
And I hurt for and because of you.
Maybe they’re the same thing.
Joe
"Joe had a father,
And when I say 'had',
Well the story's quite sad,
But it's not like he died,
Rather that he denied
Ever having a son,
Having loved anyone.
Like in Empire Strikes Back
When Luke's under attack
And he just decides rather
Than accept that his father
Is the darkest of forces
He'd use his resources
To turn him around.
Except in our saga,
The absentee father,
Instead of announcing,
Spends his life renouncing
His role and his duty;
Rejects love and beauty,
Shoves his head in the ground.
The inverse of the plot:
Vader states what he's NOT:
"Joe, I'm NOT your father"
And Joe cries "I'd rather
Have a great, willing dad
Than you, so I'm glad
That you won't be around."
Joe's leaving home,
There are galaxies to roam.
There is evil to fight
And recesses to light
In the loneliest souls,
In emotion's black holes.
Who'll be found?"
Nick Hudson...
And when I say 'had',
Well the story's quite sad,
But it's not like he died,
Rather that he denied
Ever having a son,
Having loved anyone.
Like in Empire Strikes Back
When Luke's under attack
And he just decides rather
Than accept that his father
Is the darkest of forces
He'd use his resources
To turn him around.
Except in our saga,
The absentee father,
Instead of announcing,
Spends his life renouncing
His role and his duty;
Rejects love and beauty,
Shoves his head in the ground.
The inverse of the plot:
Vader states what he's NOT:
"Joe, I'm NOT your father"
And Joe cries "I'd rather
Have a great, willing dad
Than you, so I'm glad
That you won't be around."
Joe's leaving home,
There are galaxies to roam.
There is evil to fight
And recesses to light
In the loneliest souls,
In emotion's black holes.
Who'll be found?"
Nick Hudson...
Keys to the Pigeonhole
Once I dreamed of worlds on fire
And when I woke I saw
A thousand hells, a steepled pyre;
My soul I keep scrubbed raw.
Where are the chains I used to wrap myself in like a sweater?
Where’s my blue-collar noose?
Hell it contains and stifles all attempts to make things better;
Blinds you to life’s abuse.
Once I dreamed of wild boy packs
And once I woke I hunted
Haunted parks and summer larks
To hone again the blunted.
Where are the children who gave birth to dreams with every flicker?
Time to announce you’re here.
Mute the white noise; the earth belongs to those who heal the sick
Inside: I proclaim thee ‘seer’.
Once I dreamed of Eden wrecked
By thirst for truth and light.
Once I woke, the grand Elect
Had damned those bearing sight.
Where are the saints who once humiliated tyrants
With perspective and wit and bliss?
Where is the love that permeated ever operation?
When a breath was a kiss.
Once I dreamed of life I knew
That I would never sleep.
Energised by fear of waking death’s
Asthmatic creep.
Anchors dissolved I sank my teeth into the work ahead:
The death of complacency.
Mission resolved I laid a wreath against the body of
The nation that baited me.
Cowardice kills; so many travellers still buckle at
The glimpse of another route.
Each conquered hill presents a broader view; a vista:
A cell of the absolute.
And when I woke I saw
A thousand hells, a steepled pyre;
My soul I keep scrubbed raw.
Where are the chains I used to wrap myself in like a sweater?
Where’s my blue-collar noose?
Hell it contains and stifles all attempts to make things better;
Blinds you to life’s abuse.
Once I dreamed of wild boy packs
And once I woke I hunted
Haunted parks and summer larks
To hone again the blunted.
Where are the children who gave birth to dreams with every flicker?
Time to announce you’re here.
Mute the white noise; the earth belongs to those who heal the sick
Inside: I proclaim thee ‘seer’.
Once I dreamed of Eden wrecked
By thirst for truth and light.
Once I woke, the grand Elect
Had damned those bearing sight.
Where are the saints who once humiliated tyrants
With perspective and wit and bliss?
Where is the love that permeated ever operation?
When a breath was a kiss.
Once I dreamed of life I knew
That I would never sleep.
Energised by fear of waking death’s
Asthmatic creep.
Anchors dissolved I sank my teeth into the work ahead:
The death of complacency.
Mission resolved I laid a wreath against the body of
The nation that baited me.
Cowardice kills; so many travellers still buckle at
The glimpse of another route.
Each conquered hill presents a broader view; a vista:
A cell of the absolute.
Ballad of the Dark Triptych of the Soul
“…You fathered so many abortions;
My pillow stained solid by the
Dying echoes of solitude.
I can never take anything again with you.
Too much cancer of the heart between us.
The sheets stained with the blood
Of a haemorrhaging friendship.
I skate around the morsels of your time for me.
But now it’s time to chalk the outline
Of us on the pavement;
To border us in police tape and
Pronounce us dead…”
I thought (I hoped) you’d stay in me forever.
Sick how the body’s so wrong.
I wanted to give it forever.
I ached for the taking so long.
The dustpan may clear up ephemera.
The stains in the rug may well fade.
I’ll smile when we pass on the pavement
But love has become masquerade.
Friends are not here for convenience;
A toy to break in when you’re bored.
You got what you wanted she’s with you,
And I’m in the corner, ignored.
I’ve spent such hurting wrists on the memory;
Sigil and prayer and plain hope.
You risked everything when you took me.
I’m not just a throwaway grope.
I’m back to a self-imposed exile.
Enjoy your princess while you can.
And next time you’re drugged and want sex
I’ll show you the rug and dustpan.
I’m pleased you’re both so reunited.
I’d hate for your heartbreak to last.
Shame that you recklessly blighted
Whatever we had so damn fast.
Shame you gratuitously infected.
A friendship so deep and so pure.
And now that I’m wholly neglected
There’s little chance we can endure.
You expect me to applaud your reunion
Despite all the things that you said.
But it wasn’t a toy but a human;
The cavity you took to your bed.
You used me to work yourself out on.
A sounding bored for your desire,
But what you omitted to count on;
You ignited me now I’m on fire.
I’m going to leave you alone now.
Consider the favour returned.
But when things turn sour who’ll you phone?
How quick paper commitments can burn.
My pillow stained solid by the
Dying echoes of solitude.
I can never take anything again with you.
Too much cancer of the heart between us.
The sheets stained with the blood
Of a haemorrhaging friendship.
I skate around the morsels of your time for me.
But now it’s time to chalk the outline
Of us on the pavement;
To border us in police tape and
Pronounce us dead…”
I thought (I hoped) you’d stay in me forever.
Sick how the body’s so wrong.
I wanted to give it forever.
I ached for the taking so long.
The dustpan may clear up ephemera.
The stains in the rug may well fade.
I’ll smile when we pass on the pavement
But love has become masquerade.
Friends are not here for convenience;
A toy to break in when you’re bored.
You got what you wanted she’s with you,
And I’m in the corner, ignored.
I’ve spent such hurting wrists on the memory;
Sigil and prayer and plain hope.
You risked everything when you took me.
I’m not just a throwaway grope.
I’m back to a self-imposed exile.
Enjoy your princess while you can.
And next time you’re drugged and want sex
I’ll show you the rug and dustpan.
I’m pleased you’re both so reunited.
I’d hate for your heartbreak to last.
Shame that you recklessly blighted
Whatever we had so damn fast.
Shame you gratuitously infected.
A friendship so deep and so pure.
And now that I’m wholly neglected
There’s little chance we can endure.
You expect me to applaud your reunion
Despite all the things that you said.
But it wasn’t a toy but a human;
The cavity you took to your bed.
You used me to work yourself out on.
A sounding bored for your desire,
But what you omitted to count on;
You ignited me now I’m on fire.
I’m going to leave you alone now.
Consider the favour returned.
But when things turn sour who’ll you phone?
How quick paper commitments can burn.
Trip Sitter
You…
Poisoned my head,
Or so you said.
Now I’m grateful
For the hate I’ve spent,
Energies I’ve redirected
To my heart, whose razor-wire I’ve polished clean;
Energies I’ve concentrated
On assembling, from the junk, something pristine.
My heart beats the crap out of yours.
In a tag-team I will tear your soul apart.
I no longer seep through your pours;
Trembling fist paralyses and cramps your heart.
You…
Branded my loins,
Trademarked my groin.
So what? So long.
Yeah, I’ve moved on
Far…
If the body is a temple
Then the heart is a church organ belting out
Hymns to the silent sainthood;
Those who flood night-time’s lonely theatre with flesh.
Flesh immortal in ecstasies.
In memory of the boy that got away.
Here’s a hymn to wreckage rendered
Free of rust, bent into shape by will alone.
The silence knows I’m not afraid
Of the space in which I dwell.
I whistle to the sun.
My skin glistens at the heat
And there’re blisters on my feet.
And the ghosts that lie in hedgerows
Watch the ogre split in two.
I swim amongst the stars.
My hair erupts in flames
And I give the Gods new names.
The long grass flickers with the wind
And horizons shift like oil.
I kneel beneath the moon.
My nails turn to black
And there’s scripture on my back.
The blue sky reflects the
Sadness of the universal heart.
I stand amongst the trees.
I shoulder their support.
One more gust and I’d be caught.
I miss the landscape,
The geometry of moss, the gentle curves.
They travel by my side.
And at last we’re having fun
In this trek towards the sun;
A coffin idly slung across my back.
It’s where I collage al the scars,
And it’s strung like a guitar.
I exhibit them in bars.
Poisoned my head,
Or so you said.
Now I’m grateful
For the hate I’ve spent,
Energies I’ve redirected
To my heart, whose razor-wire I’ve polished clean;
Energies I’ve concentrated
On assembling, from the junk, something pristine.
My heart beats the crap out of yours.
In a tag-team I will tear your soul apart.
I no longer seep through your pours;
Trembling fist paralyses and cramps your heart.
You…
Branded my loins,
Trademarked my groin.
So what? So long.
Yeah, I’ve moved on
Far…
If the body is a temple
Then the heart is a church organ belting out
Hymns to the silent sainthood;
Those who flood night-time’s lonely theatre with flesh.
Flesh immortal in ecstasies.
In memory of the boy that got away.
Here’s a hymn to wreckage rendered
Free of rust, bent into shape by will alone.
The silence knows I’m not afraid
Of the space in which I dwell.
I whistle to the sun.
My skin glistens at the heat
And there’re blisters on my feet.
And the ghosts that lie in hedgerows
Watch the ogre split in two.
I swim amongst the stars.
My hair erupts in flames
And I give the Gods new names.
The long grass flickers with the wind
And horizons shift like oil.
I kneel beneath the moon.
My nails turn to black
And there’s scripture on my back.
The blue sky reflects the
Sadness of the universal heart.
I stand amongst the trees.
I shoulder their support.
One more gust and I’d be caught.
I miss the landscape,
The geometry of moss, the gentle curves.
They travel by my side.
And at last we’re having fun
In this trek towards the sun;
A coffin idly slung across my back.
It’s where I collage al the scars,
And it’s strung like a guitar.
I exhibit them in bars.
Prayer For The Heart
When nature is mean
And the chances seem lean
That you’ll ever find love
Step above your self-doubt.
Be refreshed.
When bare walls collide
And you’re slave to the tide
Seek to sail against the drag
Swear: this galleon has
Been repossessed.
When you’re feeling so small,
No-one sees when you fall
Vow ‘I won’t disappear,
I will blind you with me at
My best’.
When you’re weary of breath
Know you’re greater than death.
Mould your chains into wings
And embrace the things your heart desires.
Don’t choose to depart.
The shade of your heart is
As valid as air
Is benignly just there.
Breathe it in.
You’re never alone.
You can e-mail or phone.
Whilst I know true warmth
Doesn’t come easy at least
It survives.
So many boys of your age
Get destroyed by
A love that can’t lie
So they contemplate ending
Their lives.
I had it too.
I was torn up and screwed.
But I’m happy now somehow
And I know that you will
Be too.
It sounds easy enough
Being told to hang tough
But that’s all you can do
I’m the evidence this can
Be true.
I’m extending a hand
To that far southern land;
A warm palm on your brow
That says ‘don’t have a cow’.
Rest your head.
You’ll get your break.
What a partner you’ll make.
Keep dreaming aloud
And you’ll draw the right crowd to
Your side.
A prayer for your heart.
The best I can impart.
May you rapidly learn
You have talent to burn.
Voila and Amen.
I wish I could say when.
But just know that we care.
Please accept my small prayer.
Hope it helps.
And the chances seem lean
That you’ll ever find love
Step above your self-doubt.
Be refreshed.
When bare walls collide
And you’re slave to the tide
Seek to sail against the drag
Swear: this galleon has
Been repossessed.
When you’re feeling so small,
No-one sees when you fall
Vow ‘I won’t disappear,
I will blind you with me at
My best’.
When you’re weary of breath
Know you’re greater than death.
Mould your chains into wings
And embrace the things your heart desires.
Don’t choose to depart.
The shade of your heart is
As valid as air
Is benignly just there.
Breathe it in.
You’re never alone.
You can e-mail or phone.
Whilst I know true warmth
Doesn’t come easy at least
It survives.
So many boys of your age
Get destroyed by
A love that can’t lie
So they contemplate ending
Their lives.
I had it too.
I was torn up and screwed.
But I’m happy now somehow
And I know that you will
Be too.
It sounds easy enough
Being told to hang tough
But that’s all you can do
I’m the evidence this can
Be true.
I’m extending a hand
To that far southern land;
A warm palm on your brow
That says ‘don’t have a cow’.
Rest your head.
You’ll get your break.
What a partner you’ll make.
Keep dreaming aloud
And you’ll draw the right crowd to
Your side.
A prayer for your heart.
The best I can impart.
May you rapidly learn
You have talent to burn.
Voila and Amen.
I wish I could say when.
But just know that we care.
Please accept my small prayer.
Hope it helps.
Creeping Jesus
Matthew found a whore to bleed
To satisfy a basic need;
To rid his mind of abattoirs,
To break a girl it blinds the scars
Left by the stench of rendered flesh
And garbled squeals. How Matthew wretched.
The day he cracked he knelt in tears;
Learnt to eroticise his fears.
He lives alone, he dies alone.
His veganism won’t atone.
He finds retreat
In binding meat.
Mark was a deluded kid.
The fantasies in which he hid
Were paranoid and sparely lit.
His parents did unfairly hit
Their boy who wet his bed til when
He turned fourteen, discovered men.
He sold his soul to make amends.
Scrubbing bars he made some friends.
They said his soul was precious; worth
Preserving: souls are scarce on earth,
But bodies decay,
And we’re happy to pay.
Luke was unemployable.
He found life too enjoyable.
He fell in with some motley punks
Who filled his head and veins with junk.
They partied for five years straight.
Right royal reprobates.
On benefits he lives alone,
His dead veins belching methadone.
His child, estranged, is far away,
And far away is where he’ll stay.
He can’t resist
The urge to exist.
John was raised upon a farm;
An idyll so inanely calm
That all the families bought guns
One Christmas for their first-born sons.
John raped Jane
And had Bill slain.
John was still a juvenile.
A spell inside helped reconcile
His urges to his upbringing.
And this he channelled when he’d sing.
He’d start a band
And rescue the land.
Matthew, Mark and Luke and John:
Disciples of the power of song
To change the past and right the wrongs
That blighted their lives all along.
God concedes their fates to me.
To satisfy a basic need;
To rid his mind of abattoirs,
To break a girl it blinds the scars
Left by the stench of rendered flesh
And garbled squeals. How Matthew wretched.
The day he cracked he knelt in tears;
Learnt to eroticise his fears.
He lives alone, he dies alone.
His veganism won’t atone.
He finds retreat
In binding meat.
Mark was a deluded kid.
The fantasies in which he hid
Were paranoid and sparely lit.
His parents did unfairly hit
Their boy who wet his bed til when
He turned fourteen, discovered men.
He sold his soul to make amends.
Scrubbing bars he made some friends.
They said his soul was precious; worth
Preserving: souls are scarce on earth,
But bodies decay,
And we’re happy to pay.
Luke was unemployable.
He found life too enjoyable.
He fell in with some motley punks
Who filled his head and veins with junk.
They partied for five years straight.
Right royal reprobates.
On benefits he lives alone,
His dead veins belching methadone.
His child, estranged, is far away,
And far away is where he’ll stay.
He can’t resist
The urge to exist.
John was raised upon a farm;
An idyll so inanely calm
That all the families bought guns
One Christmas for their first-born sons.
John raped Jane
And had Bill slain.
John was still a juvenile.
A spell inside helped reconcile
His urges to his upbringing.
And this he channelled when he’d sing.
He’d start a band
And rescue the land.
Matthew, Mark and Luke and John:
Disciples of the power of song
To change the past and right the wrongs
That blighted their lives all along.
God concedes their fates to me.
The Last Gasp of Jim Harvey-Joneswald
Well I came down by the road, and I sat down by the road
And I wept dread from hands that not so long ago wielded lead
And that bore palms that still bled the stench of iron.
I knelt down by the road and I rubbed my face in the road.
My cheeks got sore with grit and for the first time ever
I yelled ‘God can this be it?’ I pray you’re lying?
I gave in my notice this morning it was less notice more warning.
They said I was forbidden to yet leave so it became a threat.
They’d learn to grieve. Care to dance?
I yelled I’m going home to fetch my stuff, you make me wretch
You stinking, servile, retail, spoon-fed yes men.
My blood-fever baby sycophants.
My heart screams.
I don’t dream.
So here I kneel by the side of the road,
Thinking cities are an evil designed to erode
All the good in the land, kill the chorus of hearts.
A city is the grave mausoleum of art.
So I here I weep by the side of the road
Thinking ‘When did my country decide to disown
All the poets, the preachers, that the forces forbid,
When these smug, sober adults, are just rotting kids?’
Well I saw the end of the road In a vision on which I rode
An apocalyptic steed whose stirrups gleamed like
The blunt, ill-bred, chattering teeth of the damned.
Well I rode rodeo down the rode, a revelatory episode.
The stallion bucked me. I landed on a rooftop
With a dagger on my belt and a wreath in my hand.
And ‘Well’ said I. ‘Oh fancy that. I’m on the
Biggest block of flats in town. The crowds below towards
Oblivion in their best suits blindly go.
Much to the terror of the crowds I raise the spear up to the clouds.
At which point I hear a voice say
‘Oh child of the future, bring it down.’
And lo, I hold the spear aloft I laugh at those sneered
And those who scoffed when I said I would rather die
An unholy scream than an obedient mumble.
I bring the spear crashing down. I feel the fear engulf the town.
Computers melt, I watch commuters drown in dust and smoke.
The whole damn city crumbles.
So it’s revealed.
My fate is sealed.
There I lie by the side of the road
Thinking ‘these hands are my hands, I want to implode
Set me free from the burden of being the one.’
The saviour of mankind just wants to be gone
From the species, the planet, the memory of all-time.
I renounce the vision that fuelled my crime.
And I draw my knife by the side of the road
And I cut real deep to unburden my load.
And my breath grows weak,
And blood starts to pool.
So it’s death that I seek
I’m just wondering who’ll
See the point in my being:
‘Who was that sick coward?’
They’ll say, and I’m agreeing,
It’s got to end now.
My lungs cool down and my vision is blurred.
I’m spread on the ground. A death has occurred.
And the newspapers cry ‘How could he be so numb?
You’re no brother of mine, you vigilante scum.’
So I’m going to hell, what the hell, who cares now?
I went out with a yell, a spectacular bow.
So I killed fourteen workmates. It’s not a big deal.
The subsequent heartache allowed me to feel,
And such pain that struck me, as soon as it did.
I died knowing adults are just rotting kids.
I died knowing adults are just rotting kids.
I died knowing adults are just rotting kids.
And I wept dread from hands that not so long ago wielded lead
And that bore palms that still bled the stench of iron.
I knelt down by the road and I rubbed my face in the road.
My cheeks got sore with grit and for the first time ever
I yelled ‘God can this be it?’ I pray you’re lying?
I gave in my notice this morning it was less notice more warning.
They said I was forbidden to yet leave so it became a threat.
They’d learn to grieve. Care to dance?
I yelled I’m going home to fetch my stuff, you make me wretch
You stinking, servile, retail, spoon-fed yes men.
My blood-fever baby sycophants.
My heart screams.
I don’t dream.
So here I kneel by the side of the road,
Thinking cities are an evil designed to erode
All the good in the land, kill the chorus of hearts.
A city is the grave mausoleum of art.
So I here I weep by the side of the road
Thinking ‘When did my country decide to disown
All the poets, the preachers, that the forces forbid,
When these smug, sober adults, are just rotting kids?’
Well I saw the end of the road In a vision on which I rode
An apocalyptic steed whose stirrups gleamed like
The blunt, ill-bred, chattering teeth of the damned.
Well I rode rodeo down the rode, a revelatory episode.
The stallion bucked me. I landed on a rooftop
With a dagger on my belt and a wreath in my hand.
And ‘Well’ said I. ‘Oh fancy that. I’m on the
Biggest block of flats in town. The crowds below towards
Oblivion in their best suits blindly go.
Much to the terror of the crowds I raise the spear up to the clouds.
At which point I hear a voice say
‘Oh child of the future, bring it down.’
And lo, I hold the spear aloft I laugh at those sneered
And those who scoffed when I said I would rather die
An unholy scream than an obedient mumble.
I bring the spear crashing down. I feel the fear engulf the town.
Computers melt, I watch commuters drown in dust and smoke.
The whole damn city crumbles.
So it’s revealed.
My fate is sealed.
There I lie by the side of the road
Thinking ‘these hands are my hands, I want to implode
Set me free from the burden of being the one.’
The saviour of mankind just wants to be gone
From the species, the planet, the memory of all-time.
I renounce the vision that fuelled my crime.
And I draw my knife by the side of the road
And I cut real deep to unburden my load.
And my breath grows weak,
And blood starts to pool.
So it’s death that I seek
I’m just wondering who’ll
See the point in my being:
‘Who was that sick coward?’
They’ll say, and I’m agreeing,
It’s got to end now.
My lungs cool down and my vision is blurred.
I’m spread on the ground. A death has occurred.
And the newspapers cry ‘How could he be so numb?
You’re no brother of mine, you vigilante scum.’
So I’m going to hell, what the hell, who cares now?
I went out with a yell, a spectacular bow.
So I killed fourteen workmates. It’s not a big deal.
The subsequent heartache allowed me to feel,
And such pain that struck me, as soon as it did.
I died knowing adults are just rotting kids.
I died knowing adults are just rotting kids.
I died knowing adults are just rotting kids.
Effigy
You left the light on, tonight.
It'll be on in the morning.
You burnt me out today.
Tonight, we're still on fire.
We're an effigy to us.
You broke my heart just now.
But now, I rest in pieces.
You left me out tonight.
Tonight, you're staying in me.
We're an effigy to us.
You caged me in tonight.
Tonight, a cage is perfect.
We fell in love tonight.
Tonight, we'll climb back in there.
We're an effigy to us.
We fought and sparred tonight.
Tonight, our hearts are weathered.
We hugged, blissed out, tonight.
Tonight we lie together.
We're an effigy to us.
And I've never felt so alive,
So violently unstable.
And I've never felt such a human,
Never felt I was able.
And I've never been so unguarded,
Never lowered my defences;
Discarded my affectations so freely,
Compulsions so completely.
And I vowed not to write a love song,
Snd it's more a hymn to sensation,
A tribute to a feeling,
The essence in revealing.
My gratitude is unnerving,
And less than you're deserving.
But this hymn is more a reflection;
A pool I can see my face in;
A lake to pour our grace in
And freeze in a caption,
A moment I can skate on
Whenever I start to feel
Landlocked and lonely;
A reminder:
We can pirouhette with the gods.
It'll be on in the morning.
You burnt me out today.
Tonight, we're still on fire.
We're an effigy to us.
You broke my heart just now.
But now, I rest in pieces.
You left me out tonight.
Tonight, you're staying in me.
We're an effigy to us.
You caged me in tonight.
Tonight, a cage is perfect.
We fell in love tonight.
Tonight, we'll climb back in there.
We're an effigy to us.
We fought and sparred tonight.
Tonight, our hearts are weathered.
We hugged, blissed out, tonight.
Tonight we lie together.
We're an effigy to us.
And I've never felt so alive,
So violently unstable.
And I've never felt such a human,
Never felt I was able.
And I've never been so unguarded,
Never lowered my defences;
Discarded my affectations so freely,
Compulsions so completely.
And I vowed not to write a love song,
Snd it's more a hymn to sensation,
A tribute to a feeling,
The essence in revealing.
My gratitude is unnerving,
And less than you're deserving.
But this hymn is more a reflection;
A pool I can see my face in;
A lake to pour our grace in
And freeze in a caption,
A moment I can skate on
Whenever I start to feel
Landlocked and lonely;
A reminder:
We can pirouhette with the gods.
La Belle Est Morte
Scene-stealing rogue in your showstopping style.
Stop your free-wheeling and stay for a while.
Tea and backgammon will harness your nerve,
Corset your love.
Crimpleen and cucumber sharpen your nerve.
Period romper, come down take a pew.
Open your heart, there's a room with a view.
Spiders lay eggs in the corners that bleed.
Spare me your needs.
Paprika and parasites, bain of your breed.
Raising Cane.
Give me a dream I can freeze into life.
Oh, housewife, marry a house so the contract is true.
Oh, bless you, Petit La Belle.
How can you tell?
I am your royal steed, ride me through hell.
Toy tarantella you twisted my spine.
Yous should have seen the other fella whine.
Oh, Mercy, I'll make your day.
Show me the way.
You nurture a wanderlust, I'll make you stay,
Oh, major, sigil me good.
Theres' the mattress a-flood.
Oh, deus,
Bloody my night with your tremulous might.
I love you.
Now I'm undone. Holster your gun.
Surfing on egos has never been such fun.
Oh.
Lord take me home.
Lord take me now.
Let your hands roam.
I am pasture to plough.
Stop your free-wheeling and stay for a while.
Tea and backgammon will harness your nerve,
Corset your love.
Crimpleen and cucumber sharpen your nerve.
Period romper, come down take a pew.
Open your heart, there's a room with a view.
Spiders lay eggs in the corners that bleed.
Spare me your needs.
Paprika and parasites, bain of your breed.
Raising Cane.
Give me a dream I can freeze into life.
Oh, housewife, marry a house so the contract is true.
Oh, bless you, Petit La Belle.
How can you tell?
I am your royal steed, ride me through hell.
Toy tarantella you twisted my spine.
Yous should have seen the other fella whine.
Oh, Mercy, I'll make your day.
Show me the way.
You nurture a wanderlust, I'll make you stay,
Oh, major, sigil me good.
Theres' the mattress a-flood.
Oh, deus,
Bloody my night with your tremulous might.
I love you.
Now I'm undone. Holster your gun.
Surfing on egos has never been such fun.
Oh.
Lord take me home.
Lord take me now.
Let your hands roam.
I am pasture to plough.
Epiphanultimatum
I don’t want you to think that I’m thoughtless.
My empathy is huge.
At the moment the crux of my thought is
That I’m being used.
I’m exhausted and nervous and I’m
Bored of being tossed about.
There are moments I want to be near you.
I’m often week that way.
I respect you to much just to kid you.
We can’t just let thing stay as they are
Because they aren’t too healthy or too fun
Right now.
The egg-timer of our sentiment
Is out of sand I fear;
And excusing the briefest resentment
I hope that we’ll be friends next year.
We’ll steer us out of this black hole
Of rust and dust.
My empathy is huge.
At the moment the crux of my thought is
That I’m being used.
I’m exhausted and nervous and I’m
Bored of being tossed about.
There are moments I want to be near you.
I’m often week that way.
I respect you to much just to kid you.
We can’t just let thing stay as they are
Because they aren’t too healthy or too fun
Right now.
The egg-timer of our sentiment
Is out of sand I fear;
And excusing the briefest resentment
I hope that we’ll be friends next year.
We’ll steer us out of this black hole
Of rust and dust.
Ego Ballad of St. Nick
Take command,
Take his hand.
Give him peace
And release him
From this cold oubliette.
Please don’t let them forget
Who he is:
Serpent’s kiss.
He’s a snake nailed to a cross
By peasant farmers,
But he’s only their demon du jour.
I know you.
Palace of hypocrites,
Status-clad and thoughtless.
This is where father sits;
Pour another port glass.
Detonate honesty.
Truth is suicide in
Middlebrow middle earth.
Why are you all hiding?
I know you.
You herald truth, you do.
You must be wiped out good.
Thought police will tame your blood.
We hump our parish pumps.
Rednecks will brand your rump.
Our scythes are cold and blunt
Unlike our public front.
Joan of Arc,
In the park
Got attacked
By a pack of
Noble youths
Whose rejection of truth was absolute.
She got raped,
They escaped.
She tastes cider whenever
She wakes from a nightmare
In her mouth which can only sing truth.
I know you.
Ducking ponds, Wishing chairs:
Such a rigid science.
Could make one quite despair:
Turn to sexual violence.
What a dead hinterland,
Desert of the doldrums.
Nothing in a grain of sand:
The universe behold them.
I know you…truth etc.
Satire’s cheap
And a leap
From the horror
Of the daily grind,
Stops the shit
From fermenting your mind.
The prophet sings
‘Slay the kings’
And he rallies forth
With a trident and a toothpick
To extract all the shit
From the gob of the world.
I know you.
I KNOW you.
I know YOU…
Send me on holiday.
Give me tranquilisers.
Pacify, wash away.
Lower the truth visor.
Hold on a minute, Nick.
Where’s the humility?
You’re a conceited prick.
I hope this ain’t about me?
No, I love you.
That’s why I talk to you.
That’s why I phone you late.
That’s why we’ll emigrate.
Get me away from here.
I want you always near,
So I don’t go insane,
Kamikaze a plane.
You give me sacred peace
And a sense of release.
I’m one atomic son.
I get angry for fun.
Chaos bewitched the earth
The day that my mum gave birth.
Take his hand.
Give him peace
And release him
From this cold oubliette.
Please don’t let them forget
Who he is:
Serpent’s kiss.
He’s a snake nailed to a cross
By peasant farmers,
But he’s only their demon du jour.
I know you.
Palace of hypocrites,
Status-clad and thoughtless.
This is where father sits;
Pour another port glass.
Detonate honesty.
Truth is suicide in
Middlebrow middle earth.
Why are you all hiding?
I know you.
You herald truth, you do.
You must be wiped out good.
Thought police will tame your blood.
We hump our parish pumps.
Rednecks will brand your rump.
Our scythes are cold and blunt
Unlike our public front.
Joan of Arc,
In the park
Got attacked
By a pack of
Noble youths
Whose rejection of truth was absolute.
She got raped,
They escaped.
She tastes cider whenever
She wakes from a nightmare
In her mouth which can only sing truth.
I know you.
Ducking ponds, Wishing chairs:
Such a rigid science.
Could make one quite despair:
Turn to sexual violence.
What a dead hinterland,
Desert of the doldrums.
Nothing in a grain of sand:
The universe behold them.
I know you…truth etc.
Satire’s cheap
And a leap
From the horror
Of the daily grind,
Stops the shit
From fermenting your mind.
The prophet sings
‘Slay the kings’
And he rallies forth
With a trident and a toothpick
To extract all the shit
From the gob of the world.
I know you.
I KNOW you.
I know YOU…
Send me on holiday.
Give me tranquilisers.
Pacify, wash away.
Lower the truth visor.
Hold on a minute, Nick.
Where’s the humility?
You’re a conceited prick.
I hope this ain’t about me?
No, I love you.
That’s why I talk to you.
That’s why I phone you late.
That’s why we’ll emigrate.
Get me away from here.
I want you always near,
So I don’t go insane,
Kamikaze a plane.
You give me sacred peace
And a sense of release.
I’m one atomic son.
I get angry for fun.
Chaos bewitched the earth
The day that my mum gave birth.
Pier Song
Waste of time, a waste of space.
You have failed the human race.
You’re a waste of space-time it appears.
When all is said and done
You were never much fun.
May be that’s why you jumped off the pier.
You were festering inside.
Where you walked the grass has died,
And my appetite walks at your name.
On that cold New Year’s Eve
When you got your reprieve
And you bid us adieu dressed in flames.
I don’t believe it.
Denial makes me slaughter your memory.
I don’t believe it.
I don’t see why.
I don’t see why
You had to die.
You were noble, shrewd and proud
With a spirit brash and loud
And my parents were scared when they met you.
But in private your calm
Mannered ways had me charmed
And I’m trying my best to forget you.
Seven months and seven years
To accumulate these tears
And where are they when it’s time to cash in?
I see sparks when I blink
And I try not to think
About death when I hear the waves crashing.
I don’t believe it.
Denial makes me slaughter your memory.
I don’t believe it.
I don’t see why.
I don’t see why
You had to die.
Where’s the coda we implore?
Grant us each a brief encore
To say everything time wouldn’t allow.
And before curtain call,
I would beg of you all
To say everything valuable now.
You have failed the human race.
You’re a waste of space-time it appears.
When all is said and done
You were never much fun.
May be that’s why you jumped off the pier.
You were festering inside.
Where you walked the grass has died,
And my appetite walks at your name.
On that cold New Year’s Eve
When you got your reprieve
And you bid us adieu dressed in flames.
I don’t believe it.
Denial makes me slaughter your memory.
I don’t believe it.
I don’t see why.
I don’t see why
You had to die.
You were noble, shrewd and proud
With a spirit brash and loud
And my parents were scared when they met you.
But in private your calm
Mannered ways had me charmed
And I’m trying my best to forget you.
Seven months and seven years
To accumulate these tears
And where are they when it’s time to cash in?
I see sparks when I blink
And I try not to think
About death when I hear the waves crashing.
I don’t believe it.
Denial makes me slaughter your memory.
I don’t believe it.
I don’t see why.
I don’t see why
You had to die.
Where’s the coda we implore?
Grant us each a brief encore
To say everything time wouldn’t allow.
And before curtain call,
I would beg of you all
To say everything valuable now.
Happy Saturday
Growing up is painful.
Going down is gainful.
What a waste to do it on your own.
Don't you think that I don't know.
Oh, I know.
Breaking down in public,
I'll take you down the pub, Nick.
Unless you want to be alone.
Now there there.
Sorry to all concerned
For the time I crashed and burned,
For the week I barely slept.
Yes you really matter,
My heart's on a platter.
Don't you think I know your starved?
Find the words and start to carve.
Find a new perspective.
Neuter the invective.
Don't you think I feel it too.
Here it comes now:
I love you.
Sorry to all concerned
For the time I crashed and burned,
For the week I barely slept.
Don't you believe I believe?
I believe.
Going down is gainful.
What a waste to do it on your own.
Don't you think that I don't know.
Oh, I know.
Breaking down in public,
I'll take you down the pub, Nick.
Unless you want to be alone.
Now there there.
Sorry to all concerned
For the time I crashed and burned,
For the week I barely slept.
Yes you really matter,
My heart's on a platter.
Don't you think I know your starved?
Find the words and start to carve.
Find a new perspective.
Neuter the invective.
Don't you think I feel it too.
Here it comes now:
I love you.
Sorry to all concerned
For the time I crashed and burned,
For the week I barely slept.
Don't you believe I believe?
I believe.
The Disappeared
The kings and the sirens burn
By the end there's no more to learn.
The aches and the bruises heal.
What does a rash reveal?
All disappear.
Same time next year.
The ogres of discontent
Order the boys to repent.
The love thieves conspire to meet
In dreams they rewind, repeat.
They all disappear
And yet they're still here.
Back in suburban hell
The dreamers play kiss and tell.
They bathe in a foam lagoon.
They pray they'll be back there soon.
All disappear.
They remain near.
The wives and the earners frown.
They can't tie the kid's dreams down.
Their murderous orgy play
Will always invade the day.
All disappear.
Same time next year.
Horizons whitewashed with lust.
Anxiety crumbles to dust.
Love is the common good.
And why are they scared of flesh and blood?
All disappear.
And yet they're still here.
A gulf of an open heart.
A prairie to build to build your art.
A bayou to break your voice.
A cabin to exercise your right to choice.
All disappear.
They remain near.
All disappear.
By the end there's no more to learn.
The aches and the bruises heal.
What does a rash reveal?
All disappear.
Same time next year.
The ogres of discontent
Order the boys to repent.
The love thieves conspire to meet
In dreams they rewind, repeat.
They all disappear
And yet they're still here.
Back in suburban hell
The dreamers play kiss and tell.
They bathe in a foam lagoon.
They pray they'll be back there soon.
All disappear.
They remain near.
The wives and the earners frown.
They can't tie the kid's dreams down.
Their murderous orgy play
Will always invade the day.
All disappear.
Same time next year.
Horizons whitewashed with lust.
Anxiety crumbles to dust.
Love is the common good.
And why are they scared of flesh and blood?
All disappear.
And yet they're still here.
A gulf of an open heart.
A prairie to build to build your art.
A bayou to break your voice.
A cabin to exercise your right to choice.
All disappear.
They remain near.
All disappear.
Trash Nation
Time will show the reason for your rhyme.
Minister or minstrel?
Joke or Jihad?
Take a torch to the ones who cling to flagpoles.
As the nation sinks,
We will not go down with this shit.
Each of you is a parrot on the shoulder
Of the pimp pulling strings,
You dance in a uniform.
Dance in circles. Raise your arms in rapture
As the puppet emperor burns
You spit on his ashes.
Train the crosshair on the arbiters of average.
Pack a pellet of truth
Right between their festered eyes.
Scream "I love you" even if you hate them.
Embrace their tepid flesh,
Squeeze the life back into them.
I vote life over order and castration.
Build cathedrals from
The ashes of the trash nation.
Minister or minstrel?
Joke or Jihad?
Take a torch to the ones who cling to flagpoles.
As the nation sinks,
We will not go down with this shit.
Each of you is a parrot on the shoulder
Of the pimp pulling strings,
You dance in a uniform.
Dance in circles. Raise your arms in rapture
As the puppet emperor burns
You spit on his ashes.
Train the crosshair on the arbiters of average.
Pack a pellet of truth
Right between their festered eyes.
Scream "I love you" even if you hate them.
Embrace their tepid flesh,
Squeeze the life back into them.
I vote life over order and castration.
Build cathedrals from
The ashes of the trash nation.
Feed The Cabin Fever
Deep in the forest
There's a cabin full of kids
Whose hearts are screaming
And their eyes are wild.
They chew the twilight
While their insides twist.
They're staring down the tides.
An interloper from the world outside
Invades the abstract space
And the kids devour him.
The wood is damp, the trees are bent
And the wind is strangely muted.
A pack of baying kids
Invading human hearts
Like a virus
As a feeling.
The roof is buckled
And the walls are black with soot
And the kids are chanting hymns
To the planets.
The dawn is looming,
Not for Al
who's dreaming underground now.
John is gloomy and
His arms are rich with holes
That beam release.
The crooked chimney
Weeping dust and mortar,
The cabin is wrecked and old.
And drizzled from a rusty tap
Brown water soothes
The fevered skin of the kids.
A brooding pitchfork
Manned by Philip enters
Jennifer's left breast.
And Jeremy swooning
Over a quiet boy
Finds the courage to stroke his chest.
The cabin sinks
Into the ground
Awash with limbs
And blood and semen.
This armageddon
Won't be found.
The forest lies still
As the heart denies itself.
An orgy of thoughts took place
When inhibitions died
And love happened.
The mind-forged manacles
Set free
In a dialogue of flesh.
There's a cabin full of kids
Whose hearts are screaming
And their eyes are wild.
They chew the twilight
While their insides twist.
They're staring down the tides.
An interloper from the world outside
Invades the abstract space
And the kids devour him.
The wood is damp, the trees are bent
And the wind is strangely muted.
A pack of baying kids
Invading human hearts
Like a virus
As a feeling.
The roof is buckled
And the walls are black with soot
And the kids are chanting hymns
To the planets.
The dawn is looming,
Not for Al
who's dreaming underground now.
John is gloomy and
His arms are rich with holes
That beam release.
The crooked chimney
Weeping dust and mortar,
The cabin is wrecked and old.
And drizzled from a rusty tap
Brown water soothes
The fevered skin of the kids.
A brooding pitchfork
Manned by Philip enters
Jennifer's left breast.
And Jeremy swooning
Over a quiet boy
Finds the courage to stroke his chest.
The cabin sinks
Into the ground
Awash with limbs
And blood and semen.
This armageddon
Won't be found.
The forest lies still
As the heart denies itself.
An orgy of thoughts took place
When inhibitions died
And love happened.
The mind-forged manacles
Set free
In a dialogue of flesh.
Lancelot Du Lac
We dragged the lake
For her parents sake.
Why'd you do it, son?
Where d'you hide the gun?
Was sex involved?
Let's get this solved.
Are you depressed?
I should have guessed.
Where are your friends?
The heart soon mends.
Let my embrace
Bury your face.
You're gonna hang
Or get the chair.
Alarm bells rang
When they fished out hair.
I killed her to prove to my friends I was damaged.
I don't need a lawyer, dad, leave me I'll manage.
She asked me to fuck her I freaked so i took her
To the jetee, concussed her and bagged her and trussed her,
Dumped her, forgot her, moved on, thanks a lot sir.
I'm evil I know it, I knew that I'd blow it.
She's ugly, retarded; I'm glad I discarded
Her love without feeling, without my revealing
The Truth.
I'm a child in the dark, I'm all over. The park's
Full of danger. I find no-one stranger
Than girls, they don't get me, because you won't let me
Make friends that aren't savage and sexy.
There's one he just wrecks me,
I love it, it scares me.
A boy beyond compare, we
Go smashing up cars, sell our bodies in bars.
We snort coke, knock back cider,
To hide me I hide her.
Boys will be boys, except me,
That's The Truth.
For her parents sake.
Why'd you do it, son?
Where d'you hide the gun?
Was sex involved?
Let's get this solved.
Are you depressed?
I should have guessed.
Where are your friends?
The heart soon mends.
Let my embrace
Bury your face.
You're gonna hang
Or get the chair.
Alarm bells rang
When they fished out hair.
I killed her to prove to my friends I was damaged.
I don't need a lawyer, dad, leave me I'll manage.
She asked me to fuck her I freaked so i took her
To the jetee, concussed her and bagged her and trussed her,
Dumped her, forgot her, moved on, thanks a lot sir.
I'm evil I know it, I knew that I'd blow it.
She's ugly, retarded; I'm glad I discarded
Her love without feeling, without my revealing
The Truth.
I'm a child in the dark, I'm all over. The park's
Full of danger. I find no-one stranger
Than girls, they don't get me, because you won't let me
Make friends that aren't savage and sexy.
There's one he just wrecks me,
I love it, it scares me.
A boy beyond compare, we
Go smashing up cars, sell our bodies in bars.
We snort coke, knock back cider,
To hide me I hide her.
Boys will be boys, except me,
That's The Truth.
History of The Gable Skulls
I keep them in the cellar.
The dust soaks up their yells.
I break them with a chunk of wood
And wallow in their smells.
Their ribs I lick them clean of meat;
Their skin I cure and hang.
Their ghosts a choir of tapping feet,
A booming femurang.
Chorus:
Oh mom, Oh Pa, I'm gone, How far?
(There's voodoo in them bones boy,
There's voodoo in them bones.
For every sack of skin that spilts,
Another boy atones.)
I make them swear they love me,
Before I start to sing,
And if they try to shove me,
I turn them into things.
Humble, prostrate, cowering,
A mess vibrating, scared.
There's music in those veins and shit;
A rhythm ripe and rare.
I inter them under sleepers.
Their bones I keep for me.
The loco pounds them deeper;
Grinds their spirit free.
The cellar stinks of carnage;
Astrewn with chunks and bones.
The voodoo only smiles out loud,
On ribcage xylophones.
The dust soaks up their yells.
I break them with a chunk of wood
And wallow in their smells.
Their ribs I lick them clean of meat;
Their skin I cure and hang.
Their ghosts a choir of tapping feet,
A booming femurang.
Chorus:
Oh mom, Oh Pa, I'm gone, How far?
(There's voodoo in them bones boy,
There's voodoo in them bones.
For every sack of skin that spilts,
Another boy atones.)
I make them swear they love me,
Before I start to sing,
And if they try to shove me,
I turn them into things.
Humble, prostrate, cowering,
A mess vibrating, scared.
There's music in those veins and shit;
A rhythm ripe and rare.
I inter them under sleepers.
Their bones I keep for me.
The loco pounds them deeper;
Grinds their spirit free.
The cellar stinks of carnage;
Astrewn with chunks and bones.
The voodoo only smiles out loud,
On ribcage xylophones.
Love's Last Warhead
I wake up in a polaroid haze;
Frenzied, splayed and unfocused.
I adjust to the themes of the day;
Wear a smile when I start to feel hopeless.
Murder, death, kill,
Rise and shine.
One day a hug would do fine.
I'm beyond all unreasonable doubt.
I swear and I choke like the others.
Dearly, I preen and I pout,
And I'm charming to all my friend's mothers.
Rape, abuse, guts,
Wakey-wake.
Show me a rainbow for God's sake.
Maybe I'm omniscient;
Perhaps I'm nuclear,
Love's last warhead.
Hope is ever present.
There is sweetness under my bed.
I work well on my own or in teams.
I'm outgoing and fun and resourceful.
I empty words onto ream after ream.
Bloodless words make me remorseful.
Here's how a love song might go,
With a pout and a hug and a rainbow.
To whom it may concern
My heart burns with live when your near me.
You make me smile you make me warm
And I care for you dearly.
Your touch it amplifies my soul,
You make me laugh so freely.
You give me hope for humankind,
My wounded heart,
You heal me.
Frenzied, splayed and unfocused.
I adjust to the themes of the day;
Wear a smile when I start to feel hopeless.
Murder, death, kill,
Rise and shine.
One day a hug would do fine.
I'm beyond all unreasonable doubt.
I swear and I choke like the others.
Dearly, I preen and I pout,
And I'm charming to all my friend's mothers.
Rape, abuse, guts,
Wakey-wake.
Show me a rainbow for God's sake.
Maybe I'm omniscient;
Perhaps I'm nuclear,
Love's last warhead.
Hope is ever present.
There is sweetness under my bed.
I work well on my own or in teams.
I'm outgoing and fun and resourceful.
I empty words onto ream after ream.
Bloodless words make me remorseful.
Here's how a love song might go,
With a pout and a hug and a rainbow.
To whom it may concern
My heart burns with live when your near me.
You make me smile you make me warm
And I care for you dearly.
Your touch it amplifies my soul,
You make me laugh so freely.
You give me hope for humankind,
My wounded heart,
You heal me.
Starting Fires
Lonely (feed me things)
Hungry (wax my wings)
Fatigue (c'est l'ennui)
Encoule (et bonne nuit)
I'm only starting fires.
Breaking silence, moving parts.
Only raising hell,
Pushing buttons, lifting hearts.
Hit me (I felt a kiss)
Bit me (I melt in bliss)
Screw you (come again?)
You too (evelont-Ben)
Sod this (hustling bars)
I'm a God stitched (out of scars)
Breakthrough (home and dry)
I fake you (I don't know why)
He's rust (on my wires)
And I'm just (starting fires)
Hungry (wax my wings)
Fatigue (c'est l'ennui)
Encoule (et bonne nuit)
I'm only starting fires.
Breaking silence, moving parts.
Only raising hell,
Pushing buttons, lifting hearts.
Hit me (I felt a kiss)
Bit me (I melt in bliss)
Screw you (come again?)
You too (evelont-Ben)
Sod this (hustling bars)
I'm a God stitched (out of scars)
Breakthrough (home and dry)
I fake you (I don't know why)
He's rust (on my wires)
And I'm just (starting fires)
How We Got Where We Are
Plant my lips across your neck.
Barnacles on a ship wreck.
England shirt a second skin.
It hurts you never let me in.
All the cute kids turn out to be lesbians.
Camp as crepe paper, will the man please stand up.
At school they tied me in a sack.
Kicked me nearly broke my back.
They held my and held me tight.
I don't know why it felt just right.
All the cute kids turn out to be lesbians.
Camp as crepe paper, will the man please stand up.
Scoured for love across the stars.
Found the proof in cuts and scars.
You commandeered my circuitry
The day you kissed, held and hit me.
Barnacles on a ship wreck.
England shirt a second skin.
It hurts you never let me in.
All the cute kids turn out to be lesbians.
Camp as crepe paper, will the man please stand up.
At school they tied me in a sack.
Kicked me nearly broke my back.
They held my and held me tight.
I don't know why it felt just right.
All the cute kids turn out to be lesbians.
Camp as crepe paper, will the man please stand up.
Scoured for love across the stars.
Found the proof in cuts and scars.
You commandeered my circuitry
The day you kissed, held and hit me.
Dream Ballad of Manana
Her hamfisted beefcake of a spouse
Slugged her hard in the jaw,
Threw her out of the house
And like Dino,
She crawled back for more.
The husbands about to stand trial
Queue for miles 'round the block
While the next wife back home
Takes another good
Sock to the face
In her house which is
No place like home.
She begs: take me Kansas, Toto,
Hammer home your
Fat nail in the bedroom
Her heart opens wide to the
Crush she had ten years go,
Who could not be more male.
Then one night she awakes
And her spirit is sick;
Reaches out for some scissors
And lops of his thick pony-tail,
Hoping her son of Sam will be
That bit less male.
The next day she'll rise up,
Her mind fixed on escape
From the beatings,
The humiliation and rape;
The thrill of conrete
Passing under her feet
Leads her to a bright place.
A dream for manyana
Where no-one can harm her.
She'll find a new home
With a kindly young farmer called Gill
Who won't threaten to kill her
For not being calmer.
In the garden of earthly delights,
Will she wrestle herself
From the arms of routine?
Oh my God have you seen?
She's a boy of fifteen
On the run from his father.
Sure, she's gender confused
Like so many young boys who've been
Kicked and abused;
Daddy broke all her toys,
Now she's crazy and sad,
And she's chasing her innocence bad.
A dream for manyana.
There is no young farmer.
Our boy's writing stories
Of loss and regret,
He forgets who he is
And gets lost in his dramas.
We all fantasize about
Fleeing the ones we despise.
This young teen sees himself
As a homecoming queen,
With no nobler bruises
Than the ones
That she chooses.
He'll write the same stories
Until he's healed over.
A yellow brick road, and
A four-leafed clover.
He'll bandage his wounds;
He'll sing
The Wild Rover to Dixie.
One day he'll meet up with a
Down-trodden house-wife.
His stories will mirror
What happens in her life.
She'll read them and weep:
How did you know,
I crawled back like Dino?'
She'll reset her jaw and
Walk out on her spouse.
She will suffer no more.
She'll run from the house
With the boy she just met
Who writes stories
That mirror her strife.
No dreams of manyana.
No kindly young farmer.
The thrill of concrete
Passing under their feet
Takes them far.
Wife and son become one.
Nobody can harm them.
Slugged her hard in the jaw,
Threw her out of the house
And like Dino,
She crawled back for more.
The husbands about to stand trial
Queue for miles 'round the block
While the next wife back home
Takes another good
Sock to the face
In her house which is
No place like home.
She begs: take me Kansas, Toto,
Hammer home your
Fat nail in the bedroom
Her heart opens wide to the
Crush she had ten years go,
Who could not be more male.
Then one night she awakes
And her spirit is sick;
Reaches out for some scissors
And lops of his thick pony-tail,
Hoping her son of Sam will be
That bit less male.
The next day she'll rise up,
Her mind fixed on escape
From the beatings,
The humiliation and rape;
The thrill of conrete
Passing under her feet
Leads her to a bright place.
A dream for manyana
Where no-one can harm her.
She'll find a new home
With a kindly young farmer called Gill
Who won't threaten to kill her
For not being calmer.
In the garden of earthly delights,
Will she wrestle herself
From the arms of routine?
Oh my God have you seen?
She's a boy of fifteen
On the run from his father.
Sure, she's gender confused
Like so many young boys who've been
Kicked and abused;
Daddy broke all her toys,
Now she's crazy and sad,
And she's chasing her innocence bad.
A dream for manyana.
There is no young farmer.
Our boy's writing stories
Of loss and regret,
He forgets who he is
And gets lost in his dramas.
We all fantasize about
Fleeing the ones we despise.
This young teen sees himself
As a homecoming queen,
With no nobler bruises
Than the ones
That she chooses.
He'll write the same stories
Until he's healed over.
A yellow brick road, and
A four-leafed clover.
He'll bandage his wounds;
He'll sing
The Wild Rover to Dixie.
One day he'll meet up with a
Down-trodden house-wife.
His stories will mirror
What happens in her life.
She'll read them and weep:
How did you know,
I crawled back like Dino?'
She'll reset her jaw and
Walk out on her spouse.
She will suffer no more.
She'll run from the house
With the boy she just met
Who writes stories
That mirror her strife.
No dreams of manyana.
No kindly young farmer.
The thrill of concrete
Passing under their feet
Takes them far.
Wife and son become one.
Nobody can harm them.
Last Words
I'm on my back
In a mountain shack.
The peace is what I need.
There's some dry food sacks,
And some logs out back.
And all the world to read.
The lights come at night
To avail my sight;
To blind me while I feed.
There's songs to write
Because time is tight.
The man wants back the deeds.
I try to rationalise
My failing eyes.
The fever feeds me lies.
Try to reconcile
The sweat and bile;
Try to get me exercise.
Wrote some poems today.
Had to throw 'em away
Because their prayers in dark disguise.
I atone my sins
As my body caves in.
I'll soon embrace the skies.
I'm not ready yet
To erase my debts.
I want some time for me.
I'm really scared
Because I'm not prepared
To face eternity.
The visions are loud
And my head's a crowd.
I wish they'd let me be.
There's a lizard on my chest;
Wish he'd let me rest.
When I sleep he'll feast on me.
Just a lizard's snack,
In a mountain shack
Where a man there used to be.
A fresh meat snack;
Two arms, two legs and a back.
I feel the creatures feed.
Soon I'll be dead.
Carnage on a bed.
And then I shall be freed.
Now I'm a lizard's snack,
In a mountain shack,
Where a man I used to be.
In a mountain shack.
The peace is what I need.
There's some dry food sacks,
And some logs out back.
And all the world to read.
The lights come at night
To avail my sight;
To blind me while I feed.
There's songs to write
Because time is tight.
The man wants back the deeds.
I try to rationalise
My failing eyes.
The fever feeds me lies.
Try to reconcile
The sweat and bile;
Try to get me exercise.
Wrote some poems today.
Had to throw 'em away
Because their prayers in dark disguise.
I atone my sins
As my body caves in.
I'll soon embrace the skies.
I'm not ready yet
To erase my debts.
I want some time for me.
I'm really scared
Because I'm not prepared
To face eternity.
The visions are loud
And my head's a crowd.
I wish they'd let me be.
There's a lizard on my chest;
Wish he'd let me rest.
When I sleep he'll feast on me.
Just a lizard's snack,
In a mountain shack
Where a man there used to be.
A fresh meat snack;
Two arms, two legs and a back.
I feel the creatures feed.
Soon I'll be dead.
Carnage on a bed.
And then I shall be freed.
Now I'm a lizard's snack,
In a mountain shack,
Where a man I used to be.
Eulogy
I watched you jump off a pier.
Watched you ruin the view.
Your head struck a rusty buoy
I remain stuck on you.
I'm travelling through memories
Of hair, scent and skin.
Your young, flailing temper.
Where did it all begin?
Your sweet scented hay-hair.
And your rich bloodied lips.
Your butter skin flawed me,
And your handlebar hips.
I never liked football.
I never liked gym.
But football shirts kill me
When they're wrapped around him.
You're weirdly proportioned,
A young, bony flair.
Your creamy voice moved me
To elated despair.
I watched you flee down a dirt track.
Your theft skewed a portrait.
You signed up with the army.
You left with my fate.
We'd sleep in the garden.
I'd watch you all night.
I'd bathe in your aromas,
Tremble, burnt at your sight.
You poisoned and pierced me;
Had me prostrate and weak.
You regarded me fiercely,
Like a heartbroken freak.
There were moments between us,
Of mutual spark:
That time under canvas,
When skin touched in the dark.
Lying still under moonlight.
You're murdering my crotch.
You don't know it. You have me.
We're drunk on heat and scotch.
Our hands roaming and grooming
Amongst giggles and grit.
Your mouth wetting my fingers.
I peaked when you bit.
And we're sharing my headphones.
One ear-piece each.
And the radio simmers
Like dull waves on a beach.
And your brother is sleeping.
It's just us and our skin.
That's the moment I'm keeping.
this is where it begins.
There's only a first love.
The heart's archetype.
Then there's faxes and figments;
Don't live up to the hype.
I watched you fade in the distance;
The canvas wrought dead.
I'm condemned to ignite you
Again in my head.
James, I love you forever.
But I'll paint you 'til then.
Maybe soon there'll be someone,
Who will wrestle my pen
From my junkie fixation
And point it at them.
They may dance the same steps,
Stir the same colour passion.
They might wear the same haircut
And the same anti-fashion.
They might trump you in all ways,
Be more clever and true,
But I can't see a day when,
I'll see beyond you.
You're no longer my neighbour.
But we're never apart.
'Cause your big trojan horse is
Stuck deep in my heart.
Gathered round your amiga;
Watching you play in goal.
I'm dementedly eager.
To donor my soul.
Watched you ruin the view.
Your head struck a rusty buoy
I remain stuck on you.
I'm travelling through memories
Of hair, scent and skin.
Your young, flailing temper.
Where did it all begin?
Your sweet scented hay-hair.
And your rich bloodied lips.
Your butter skin flawed me,
And your handlebar hips.
I never liked football.
I never liked gym.
But football shirts kill me
When they're wrapped around him.
You're weirdly proportioned,
A young, bony flair.
Your creamy voice moved me
To elated despair.
I watched you flee down a dirt track.
Your theft skewed a portrait.
You signed up with the army.
You left with my fate.
We'd sleep in the garden.
I'd watch you all night.
I'd bathe in your aromas,
Tremble, burnt at your sight.
You poisoned and pierced me;
Had me prostrate and weak.
You regarded me fiercely,
Like a heartbroken freak.
There were moments between us,
Of mutual spark:
That time under canvas,
When skin touched in the dark.
Lying still under moonlight.
You're murdering my crotch.
You don't know it. You have me.
We're drunk on heat and scotch.
Our hands roaming and grooming
Amongst giggles and grit.
Your mouth wetting my fingers.
I peaked when you bit.
And we're sharing my headphones.
One ear-piece each.
And the radio simmers
Like dull waves on a beach.
And your brother is sleeping.
It's just us and our skin.
That's the moment I'm keeping.
this is where it begins.
There's only a first love.
The heart's archetype.
Then there's faxes and figments;
Don't live up to the hype.
I watched you fade in the distance;
The canvas wrought dead.
I'm condemned to ignite you
Again in my head.
James, I love you forever.
But I'll paint you 'til then.
Maybe soon there'll be someone,
Who will wrestle my pen
From my junkie fixation
And point it at them.
They may dance the same steps,
Stir the same colour passion.
They might wear the same haircut
And the same anti-fashion.
They might trump you in all ways,
Be more clever and true,
But I can't see a day when,
I'll see beyond you.
You're no longer my neighbour.
But we're never apart.
'Cause your big trojan horse is
Stuck deep in my heart.
Gathered round your amiga;
Watching you play in goal.
I'm dementedly eager.
To donor my soul.
How Much Are A Duck
When you're happy and you know it
Count your hands.
Count your eyes, and your limbs,
And your unabsolved sins.
When your hungry, count you chickens
As you sew them into eggs.
Maybe you're dreamed instead.
When you're buoyant and cloudless
Thanks yourself.
Thanks the clouds, thank the shrouds
For being so thin.
When you're weary, and your shapeless,
Like your cookie-cutter burst,
Maybe you're dreamed instead.
When you're broken and fragmented,
Try and stay calm.
Try and stay whole, stay together,
If the ceiling's caving in.
When you're fixed, you're a liar,
You're a lie.
You're an afterthought, a glimmer,
And abstracted thing.
You're right there, you're a nightmare.
You're a wavelength, he's in bed.
You're no whole consistent person.
No, you're a dream instead.
Count your hands.
Count your eyes, and your limbs,
And your unabsolved sins.
When your hungry, count you chickens
As you sew them into eggs.
Maybe you're dreamed instead.
When you're buoyant and cloudless
Thanks yourself.
Thanks the clouds, thank the shrouds
For being so thin.
When you're weary, and your shapeless,
Like your cookie-cutter burst,
Maybe you're dreamed instead.
When you're broken and fragmented,
Try and stay calm.
Try and stay whole, stay together,
If the ceiling's caving in.
When you're fixed, you're a liar,
You're a lie.
You're an afterthought, a glimmer,
And abstracted thing.
You're right there, you're a nightmare.
You're a wavelength, he's in bed.
You're no whole consistent person.
No, you're a dream instead.
Love Hurts
You used to leave bruises.
Who cares what abuse is?
I urged you to do
What came naturally to you:
Hurt me.
Ben, I still flirt with disasters.
Disasters like you I still hunt.
What d'you do
To my tastes and desires?
I'm addicted to fires.
Love Hurts:
Ben, Ben you have marked me for good.
Good things don't hurt.
I'm on danger alert
For humiliating fixes.
Administer bricks to
My heart:
Ben, you are building a monster.
Monsters have hearts
Which they peddle in art
Where we quantify fires
And decode our desires.
Ben, you've given me poise and perspective.
Perspective like this
Is a terrible kiss;
Leaves me cold and removed
And scalding and soothed.
Thanks:
Ben, I'll return all the trophies.
A gong for each bruise.
I long for to cruise
The dark streets for the rest of you.
I want the best of you.
Ben, my love is wrapped in your strength.
Strength came from weakness,
And brilliance from bleakness.
You've broken and fixed me;
Punched, bit and kicked me.
Ben, you'll never leave my reflection.
Love hurts.
Who cares what abuse is?
I urged you to do
What came naturally to you:
Hurt me.
Ben, I still flirt with disasters.
Disasters like you I still hunt.
What d'you do
To my tastes and desires?
I'm addicted to fires.
Love Hurts:
Ben, Ben you have marked me for good.
Good things don't hurt.
I'm on danger alert
For humiliating fixes.
Administer bricks to
My heart:
Ben, you are building a monster.
Monsters have hearts
Which they peddle in art
Where we quantify fires
And decode our desires.
Ben, you've given me poise and perspective.
Perspective like this
Is a terrible kiss;
Leaves me cold and removed
And scalding and soothed.
Thanks:
Ben, I'll return all the trophies.
A gong for each bruise.
I long for to cruise
The dark streets for the rest of you.
I want the best of you.
Ben, my love is wrapped in your strength.
Strength came from weakness,
And brilliance from bleakness.
You've broken and fixed me;
Punched, bit and kicked me.
Ben, you'll never leave my reflection.
Love hurts.
Summer of '92
I can't remember
When packed lunches
Last lacked punches.
I remember.
You're a big boy.
I'm a convoy
Of complexes;
Shifting sexes.
You're a breaker
And a bruiser.
I'm a faker
And a loser.
You're an anvil.
And I'm roadkill.
I remember:
My heart's a landfill.
I can't recall now
Where you took me.
I was small.
How you hooked me.
We were smoking;
You were groping,
You smoked for me.
Your hands tore me,
On a park bench.
I'm defenceless.
You're a speedfreak.
I'm much younger.
You have drug chic.
I have hunger.
You're an anvil.
I am roadkill.
I remember:
My heart's a landfill.
When packed lunches
Last lacked punches.
I remember.
You're a big boy.
I'm a convoy
Of complexes;
Shifting sexes.
You're a breaker
And a bruiser.
I'm a faker
And a loser.
You're an anvil.
And I'm roadkill.
I remember:
My heart's a landfill.
I can't recall now
Where you took me.
I was small.
How you hooked me.
We were smoking;
You were groping,
You smoked for me.
Your hands tore me,
On a park bench.
I'm defenceless.
You're a speedfreak.
I'm much younger.
You have drug chic.
I have hunger.
You're an anvil.
I am roadkill.
I remember:
My heart's a landfill.
The Wild Road
Don't let fear arrest you.
Someone to confess to
Might just help to save you
From the hell you're slave to.
Stifled and dumb;
You want your mummy to come, play God.
Shaken and stirred.
Fate would prefer her to not play God.
Nature won't convert you.
Nowhere to desert to.
You were hatched and smothered.
That's the catch with mothers.
Stand over here.
Love's dream is near so be proud.
Pout, preen, be dear.
Strangle your fear, you're allowed.
Be a superhero.
Snowflakes in your tears flow.
Candy-cakes and sweaters.
You were never better.
Tidelock life in playtime.
So the sick may say I'm
Selfish, weird and childish.
That's what being wild is.
Someone to confess to
Might just help to save you
From the hell you're slave to.
Stifled and dumb;
You want your mummy to come, play God.
Shaken and stirred.
Fate would prefer her to not play God.
Nature won't convert you.
Nowhere to desert to.
You were hatched and smothered.
That's the catch with mothers.
Stand over here.
Love's dream is near so be proud.
Pout, preen, be dear.
Strangle your fear, you're allowed.
Be a superhero.
Snowflakes in your tears flow.
Candy-cakes and sweaters.
You were never better.
Tidelock life in playtime.
So the sick may say I'm
Selfish, weird and childish.
That's what being wild is.
No Deeper Hell
I was born in a very dark place,
With a foul, red , angry face.
I had wings and teeth that could grip,
On the day that my parents jumped ship.
I was raised an itinerant boy.
Every day a new ship ahoy.
I spend more time afloat than on land.
And I wreck every boat that I've manned.
I've got wrongs from the past to undo.
I project all my hate on the crew.
I've seen every dry port in the west.
Wasn't taught how to talk or to dress.
I'll find where my parents to fled.
I don't mind if they're remorseless or dead.
But pair after pair of old boots
I'll get through til I've traced back my roots.
Lay my mattress in squalor and muck.
All the sailors show me how to fuck.
Broken back, shark attack, scurvy too.
Just to prove to my folks I love you.
I've got nothing to say, lots to see.
I'm a horny young wretch in Paris.
I've been whored and harangued and held up.
Spent one hot night in a gendarme's truck.
I've been bought, traded, given and gained.
There's a new family each time it rains.
In the gutter there's no deeper hell.
But you're so close to heaven as well.
I belong down a hole out of sight.
I deserve to have no food or light.
If I did then I'd stay in one place;
Wash clean my foul, red, angry face.
I write this in my damp galley bunk,
Where I tally the ships that I've sunk.
Godspeed sweet white earth, I'm obscene.
Tomorrow I'll wake and be clean.
With a foul, red , angry face.
I had wings and teeth that could grip,
On the day that my parents jumped ship.
I was raised an itinerant boy.
Every day a new ship ahoy.
I spend more time afloat than on land.
And I wreck every boat that I've manned.
I've got wrongs from the past to undo.
I project all my hate on the crew.
I've seen every dry port in the west.
Wasn't taught how to talk or to dress.
I'll find where my parents to fled.
I don't mind if they're remorseless or dead.
But pair after pair of old boots
I'll get through til I've traced back my roots.
Lay my mattress in squalor and muck.
All the sailors show me how to fuck.
Broken back, shark attack, scurvy too.
Just to prove to my folks I love you.
I've got nothing to say, lots to see.
I'm a horny young wretch in Paris.
I've been whored and harangued and held up.
Spent one hot night in a gendarme's truck.
I've been bought, traded, given and gained.
There's a new family each time it rains.
In the gutter there's no deeper hell.
But you're so close to heaven as well.
I belong down a hole out of sight.
I deserve to have no food or light.
If I did then I'd stay in one place;
Wash clean my foul, red, angry face.
I write this in my damp galley bunk,
Where I tally the ships that I've sunk.
Godspeed sweet white earth, I'm obscene.
Tomorrow I'll wake and be clean.
Oroborus
People don’t like you
‘Cause you’re vulgar and obscene.
You’d have done ok
If you were a prom queen,
But you’re a boy;
The great responsibility.
Apply your ample faculties
To see what you can do for me.
Mom and dad they hate you.
Wonder why they alienate you
When your cousin comes to play?
It’s ‘cause they think you might be gay
And you’re a boy.
And that’s ok with me.
Round my gaff you can safely be.
Let’s see what you can do for me.
I’m not gonna pay you
But it’s unlikely I’ll slay you
‘Cause you’re kind of coy and fey
In a cute, removed way.
Yeah, you’re a boy;
Mother nature’s grim decree.
You will learn all you can be
Is what you can do for me.
‘Cause you’re vulgar and obscene.
You’d have done ok
If you were a prom queen,
But you’re a boy;
The great responsibility.
Apply your ample faculties
To see what you can do for me.
Mom and dad they hate you.
Wonder why they alienate you
When your cousin comes to play?
It’s ‘cause they think you might be gay
And you’re a boy.
And that’s ok with me.
Round my gaff you can safely be.
Let’s see what you can do for me.
I’m not gonna pay you
But it’s unlikely I’ll slay you
‘Cause you’re kind of coy and fey
In a cute, removed way.
Yeah, you’re a boy;
Mother nature’s grim decree.
You will learn all you can be
Is what you can do for me.
Bad Books
The ashes from the old barn rise.
To the east a lame foal cries.
I’m choking on the fallout from my final stand.
Smouldering junk in my eyes.
There’s a dog scoping for the right tree;
A litter being dunked in the brook.
There’s trouble in the deep country,
Since we turned from the good, good book.
A boy sheltering under gorse;
Gets removed with inhuman force.
His parents must be stricken;
He’s a-screaming and a-kicking
Like a buckin’ maddog horse.
There’s blood creeping from his right knee.
The critter’s dragged away with a look
That says ‘there’s trouble in the deep country
Since we turned from the good, good, book.’
There’s a whispering devil gale
Howling how the old town failed.
The boy is back inside
‘Cause the hollerin’ has died.
I don’t wanna end up in jail.
And the pigs are coming down on me.
I’m in the cellar with my good billhook.
I’m fighting for my sanctuary;
For my freedom and my land and my stuff.
See, I’m the trouble in the deep country,
‘Cause the book weren’t good enough.
To the east a lame foal cries.
I’m choking on the fallout from my final stand.
Smouldering junk in my eyes.
There’s a dog scoping for the right tree;
A litter being dunked in the brook.
There’s trouble in the deep country,
Since we turned from the good, good book.
A boy sheltering under gorse;
Gets removed with inhuman force.
His parents must be stricken;
He’s a-screaming and a-kicking
Like a buckin’ maddog horse.
There’s blood creeping from his right knee.
The critter’s dragged away with a look
That says ‘there’s trouble in the deep country
Since we turned from the good, good, book.’
There’s a whispering devil gale
Howling how the old town failed.
The boy is back inside
‘Cause the hollerin’ has died.
I don’t wanna end up in jail.
And the pigs are coming down on me.
I’m in the cellar with my good billhook.
I’m fighting for my sanctuary;
For my freedom and my land and my stuff.
See, I’m the trouble in the deep country,
‘Cause the book weren’t good enough.
Tease Torture Kill
It’s dark in here.
I smell of fear.
My eyes are open wide.
The trapdoor’s sealed.
No light revealed.
There’s something down here died.
I might be next.
My throat is dried sore.
I can’t scream anymore
And my guts are wasting away.
Apart from that
I’m fine, in fact,
I’d come here any day.
Suddenly I’m fed and watered,
Raped and hung and drawn and quartered.
Every form of tease and torture
You ever thought your sons and daughters
Could stand.
The living room’s free.
Think I’ll go watch TV.
My eyes are glued to the glare.
The picture’s dark;
The show my ark
From his demanding stare.
‘How life’s complex.’
My clothes are creased.
I can’t call the police
‘Cause the phone’s been taken away.
Apart from that,
I’m fine, in fact,
I’ll come back here to play.
Suddenly his temper flares.
I’m told to strip and lie right there
For every form of tease and torture
You ever thought your sons and daughters
Could bear.
Enough about me.
I’m still thoughtless you see.
How’s yourself, the dog, mom and dad?
Don't get upset 'cause there's more to come yet,
But by now the pain ain't so bad.
Is it heroin chic?
Am I skinny and weak?
Are my lips too chapped to pray?
Enough of that.
I'm fine in fact
I think for now I'll stay.
Promise me that you'll behave.
I'm happy here, I'm only slave
To every form of tease and torture
You never thought your son would want to endure.
I smell of fear.
My eyes are open wide.
The trapdoor’s sealed.
No light revealed.
There’s something down here died.
I might be next.
My throat is dried sore.
I can’t scream anymore
And my guts are wasting away.
Apart from that
I’m fine, in fact,
I’d come here any day.
Suddenly I’m fed and watered,
Raped and hung and drawn and quartered.
Every form of tease and torture
You ever thought your sons and daughters
Could stand.
The living room’s free.
Think I’ll go watch TV.
My eyes are glued to the glare.
The picture’s dark;
The show my ark
From his demanding stare.
‘How life’s complex.’
My clothes are creased.
I can’t call the police
‘Cause the phone’s been taken away.
Apart from that,
I’m fine, in fact,
I’ll come back here to play.
Suddenly his temper flares.
I’m told to strip and lie right there
For every form of tease and torture
You ever thought your sons and daughters
Could bear.
Enough about me.
I’m still thoughtless you see.
How’s yourself, the dog, mom and dad?
Don't get upset 'cause there's more to come yet,
But by now the pain ain't so bad.
Is it heroin chic?
Am I skinny and weak?
Are my lips too chapped to pray?
Enough of that.
I'm fine in fact
I think for now I'll stay.
Promise me that you'll behave.
I'm happy here, I'm only slave
To every form of tease and torture
You never thought your son would want to endure.
Halfway In
He wants you heart.
He has your mind.
He has your soul.
He wants to swallow you up whole.
He wants your home.
He has your house.
He has your car.
He has no clue just where you are.
He loves you all so much.
But he’s decided
To confide in me
To tell you
‘Cause he’s frail to the touch.
He can’t be here himself.
‘Cause he’s hiding in the wardrobe
With his shoulders on a hanger
And his head on the shelf.
He’s lost his voice.
He lost his guts.
He lost his mind.
He’d hoped you would be more than kind.
He’s lost his nerve.
He’s lost his faith.
He’s lost his feet.
His confidence is in retreat.
He’s gone away a while.
But he’s decided
To confide in me
To tell you
That you all make him smile.
He can’t be here tonight.
‘Cause he’s locked inside the cupboard
On his kneecaps in a shoebox
And his eyes glued to the light.
He’d like to be.
He’d like to shout.
He’d like to grin.
The dark has made him pale and thin.
He’d love to be here now.
But he’s a skeleton in the closet;
Just a memory in your pocket;
Just a photo in your locket.
Since you slammed the door
He doesn’t quite know how.
He doesn’t quite know how.
He has your mind.
He has your soul.
He wants to swallow you up whole.
He wants your home.
He has your house.
He has your car.
He has no clue just where you are.
He loves you all so much.
But he’s decided
To confide in me
To tell you
‘Cause he’s frail to the touch.
He can’t be here himself.
‘Cause he’s hiding in the wardrobe
With his shoulders on a hanger
And his head on the shelf.
He’s lost his voice.
He lost his guts.
He lost his mind.
He’d hoped you would be more than kind.
He’s lost his nerve.
He’s lost his faith.
He’s lost his feet.
His confidence is in retreat.
He’s gone away a while.
But he’s decided
To confide in me
To tell you
That you all make him smile.
He can’t be here tonight.
‘Cause he’s locked inside the cupboard
On his kneecaps in a shoebox
And his eyes glued to the light.
He’d like to be.
He’d like to shout.
He’d like to grin.
The dark has made him pale and thin.
He’d love to be here now.
But he’s a skeleton in the closet;
Just a memory in your pocket;
Just a photo in your locket.
Since you slammed the door
He doesn’t quite know how.
He doesn’t quite know how.
Fireside Companion
Where do you escape to
When your focus is askew;
When your clarity is mired,
And propriety is tired,
And there’s no you to turn to?
Where do you repair to
When your ego is all wrecked?
Do you pray to the effect
That there’s surely an elect
You can swear to?
You’re not far.
Where do you elope to
When your passion is on mute,
And there’s no forbidden fruit?
Where’s the only absolute
You found hope through?
Where do you belong to
When your travel bags are packed,
And you have no faith in fact,
And the odds are stacked
That you won’t see this song through?
You’re not far.
When your focus is askew;
When your clarity is mired,
And propriety is tired,
And there’s no you to turn to?
Where do you repair to
When your ego is all wrecked?
Do you pray to the effect
That there’s surely an elect
You can swear to?
You’re not far.
Where do you elope to
When your passion is on mute,
And there’s no forbidden fruit?
Where’s the only absolute
You found hope through?
Where do you belong to
When your travel bags are packed,
And you have no faith in fact,
And the odds are stacked
That you won’t see this song through?
You’re not far.
Phases Erased
He's the one
With the heart of aspic.
He's the son
Of a gilded despot.
Will he make amends
Or forfeit all his friends?
She's the girl
With the knicker elastic.
She's the pearl
Made of brittle plastic.
This is the cast that didn't last.
A transitory
List of those I missed
For each a week
My vampires, parasites,
I keep,
And power abusers.
"Who's a pretty boy?"
I'm not a toy.
He's the kid.
He's the prodigal sunflower.
He undid
All the bonds I's made ours.
Will he fall in love,
Or is theory quite enough?
He's the ghost
From my former childhood;
Caused the most
Happy pain that he could.
Will he yet return
To administer the burn?
This is the cast that didn't last.
A transitory
List of those I missed
For each a week
My vampires, parasites,
I keep,
And power abusers.
'Who's a pretty boy?"
I'm not a toy.
With the heart of aspic.
He's the son
Of a gilded despot.
Will he make amends
Or forfeit all his friends?
She's the girl
With the knicker elastic.
She's the pearl
Made of brittle plastic.
This is the cast that didn't last.
A transitory
List of those I missed
For each a week
My vampires, parasites,
I keep,
And power abusers.
"Who's a pretty boy?"
I'm not a toy.
He's the kid.
He's the prodigal sunflower.
He undid
All the bonds I's made ours.
Will he fall in love,
Or is theory quite enough?
He's the ghost
From my former childhood;
Caused the most
Happy pain that he could.
Will he yet return
To administer the burn?
This is the cast that didn't last.
A transitory
List of those I missed
For each a week
My vampires, parasites,
I keep,
And power abusers.
'Who's a pretty boy?"
I'm not a toy.
Everything Hurts More When It's Cold
Everything hurts more when it’s cold
Except your heart.
Everything hurts more when it’s cold
Except your heart.
Coccooned in your ice palace.
Like smuggled diamonds;
Distant, sad and callous.
Everything hurts more when it’s cold.
Except your heart.
Everything hurts more when it’s cold
Except your heart.
Except your heart.
Everything hurts more when it’s cold
Except your heart.
Coccooned in your ice palace.
Like smuggled diamonds;
Distant, sad and callous.
Everything hurts more when it’s cold.
Except your heart.
Everything hurts more when it’s cold
Except your heart.
I Didn't Know You Cared
A lonely boy awake
In bed reviewing scenes
From silent movies;
Life’s made cosier by dreams.
Purged of experience
By junior jury hell,
Submits to landscapes
Deep inside where all is well.
Silent films in black and white
And red and pink and blue.
He can sing the rainbow
Of young self-disgust, can’t you?
The dreams are livid once
And then they start to fade.
Celluloid it burns out quick
Especially when well-played.
He’s lost his will to love.
And these films aren’t enough.
There’s nausea in denial.
And someone has to give.
See the film director
Who has no control in life.
Love under microscope;
His heart under a knife.
A cast of thousands
Who don’t even know they’re there.
A spectral jukebox
For our boy’s jaded compere.
He selects a disc to spin;
A love song wrought of air.
The stylus shudders
Over someone slight and fair.
Somewhere love’s purity
Got putrefied by shame.
He seeks security
In silence, art and fame.
He makes the children laugh
By playing truth or dare
And risking neither,
Soul recedes, like his dad’s hair.
A drought inside speaks
Disappointment and despair.
He’s found an epitaph:
“I didn’t know you cared”.
Designed to implicate
All those who let him starve.
In dreams he’ll find some
Flowers to give, a tree to carve.
Hearts to initial,
Courtship, cinema trips and pride,
Where love and action
Might just actually collide
In bed reviewing scenes
From silent movies;
Life’s made cosier by dreams.
Purged of experience
By junior jury hell,
Submits to landscapes
Deep inside where all is well.
Silent films in black and white
And red and pink and blue.
He can sing the rainbow
Of young self-disgust, can’t you?
The dreams are livid once
And then they start to fade.
Celluloid it burns out quick
Especially when well-played.
He’s lost his will to love.
And these films aren’t enough.
There’s nausea in denial.
And someone has to give.
See the film director
Who has no control in life.
Love under microscope;
His heart under a knife.
A cast of thousands
Who don’t even know they’re there.
A spectral jukebox
For our boy’s jaded compere.
He selects a disc to spin;
A love song wrought of air.
The stylus shudders
Over someone slight and fair.
Somewhere love’s purity
Got putrefied by shame.
He seeks security
In silence, art and fame.
He makes the children laugh
By playing truth or dare
And risking neither,
Soul recedes, like his dad’s hair.
A drought inside speaks
Disappointment and despair.
He’s found an epitaph:
“I didn’t know you cared”.
Designed to implicate
All those who let him starve.
In dreams he’ll find some
Flowers to give, a tree to carve.
Hearts to initial,
Courtship, cinema trips and pride,
Where love and action
Might just actually collide
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